I hate people. Plain and simple, can’t stand human interaction at some points if I'm being honest. There are days where I’m able to talk to no one other than those I absolutely have to, and they're wonderful. You may call me anti-social, but I say I’m avoiding any type of confrontation. That, or a hermit, but I’m neither. I much prefer the company of those I enjoy. But during all of this, I've begun to miss human interaction, even with the type of people I can't stand.
The University of Illinois is unlike any place I've ever been. I have classes with people of all different backgrounds whether it be race, religion or gender. Coming from an all-boy's high school was quite the adjustment considering I couldn't shit my pants and make the entire class laugh anymore. Despite all of the great people I've met, kids from Northern Suburbs suck more donkey dick than Dragon from Shrek. I try to tolerate everyone, I really do, but even while being stuck at home I can't stand these people"
1. The “How Many More Sets” Guy (or girl)
Alright, yes this person is in gyms everywhere, but you’ll never find me bugging anyone while they workout. I get impatience but fuck just wait like a normal person. College gyms are obviously a little different from what these kids are used to (looking at you New Trier football kid), but where I come from, gyms are places where everyone can lift copious amounts of metal in peace. Everyone has a common goal of not being fat inside of gyms (maybe that’s just me), but don’t interrupt my grind sesh. Headphones in, bullshit diarrhea out (I can’t be the only one who shits themselves non-stop when the workout). That may be why I don’t deal with this guy more often, or I intimidate the hell out of them with my 5’10 165 frame. Yeah, let’s roll with that one.
2. Eats whatever they want all the time
Drunk food? I wish I was able to relate. I've said it before, and I'll say it again- I don't want to be fat again. In order to maintain peak performance, I eat a bland diet: ground beef, chicken, steak, eggs and greens. Spinach is a preferred green because Popeye ate it and that's enough to convince me to eat. I love Avocado when it’s available, but while living in dorms last year it, it was hard to come by. Try getting ahold of any avocado living in a dorm with girls trying to be “healthy,” the shits worth more than gold. Living with someone who’s metabolism is off the charts makes me want to bang my head off a wall until my brain convinces me to eat whatever I want. My roommates have all had off the charts metabolism, and that's something I'll never be blessed with, I've come to terms with it. my roommate freshman year ate a steady diet of Mini Muffins, Fruit Snacks and Kettle Chips because they're "healthy." If it sounds like I'm complaining, you're absolutely right.
3. “I’m invincible”
These people are everywhere. Some may call it toxic-masculinity, others white-privilege, but I call it a college student trying to get laid. Frat stars often like to think with their little head instead of the big one and this can get them into some sticky situations. More often than not these people are “My Dad’s a lawyer,” “My Dad’s a cop,” or my personal favorite, “Do you even know who I am?” These people often think since they’re in college, laws don’t exist, but they don’t know this until it catches up to them. Whether it be breaking into an abandoned frat to “see if there’s anything in there,” using a fake-id to buy booze or getting into fights these people are unavoidable. The fake-id guy isn’t a problem until it is. Fight guy? The absolute worst. Almost got into a fight with a former Illini football player at a concert las year. Too bad he didn’t get kicked off for beating the shit out of me, drugs suck man.
The Inn Keeper vs. Former Illinois Football Player at the Whethan Concert (colorized: 2018)
4. Lecture Hall Thief
I thought the people who complained online about having their lecture seat taken were pansies. Until it happened to me. My psyche is completely off for the entirety the lecture or discussion I'm in. It was so bad during a Calc Lecture I just got up and left last year. Might've been the fact that I had assigned seats in school for 12 years, but it feels like a violation of my human rights every time it happens. I really don’t know how Exchange Students can do it for four years when I can’t last 50 minutes.
5. Social Justice Warrior Instructors
Basically everyone aside from the foreign ones. Harsh? Maybe, but I don’t feel like hearing about how Trump’s the devil, everything needs to be free, and my personal favorite: every police officer is a terrible individual. Coming from a family full of law enforcement officials, this was a real kick in the nads, but I sit and nod my head. Not trying to get political here, but it’s baloney that Gen-Ed classes are only there in an attempt to brainwash students. It works both ways, pinions from each side are unnecessary inside of the classroom, let me feel like my tuition isn’t a complete waste of money. Political rants aside, from pretty much any professor, in general, are unbearable. They think they should be held up on a pedestal and worshiped when they can’t even respond to emails. God, I miss high school (kind of).
Did I miss any of your least favorite people on a college campus? Let me hear it on Twitter @The1nnKeeper_
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